When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
