wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
