dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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