Sponge bath it is.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
