can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
