We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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