OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
