I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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