I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
