she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
