So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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