Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
why do cheetos always look like penises
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
