You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
