im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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