Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
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