they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize