whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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