so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
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