The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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