I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Randomize
