"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
4 words: hood of his car
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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