It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
