I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Of course I have a pirate flag
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize