All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
