Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He? As in you personified your dick?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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