I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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