mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
