Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
