A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
