hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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