somebody snuck up and got me drunk
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Randomize
