you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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