We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
