I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
