I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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