After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
