i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
