my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
