Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Randomize