if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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