I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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