i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
