hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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