My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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