dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
