I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize