she looked like the before picture.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize