I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
