Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
It was confusing and full of hummus
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
