Why are handjobs necessary in class?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize