Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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