let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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