I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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