I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
