would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
