i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
