I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
