You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
