It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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