I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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