I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Success! We fucked roommates!
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
