Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
