Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
