My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
