I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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