Jerry, you need to find god
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
