I feel like abortions should bother me more
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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