Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
