his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
