Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
We just shotgunned beers for America
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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